Seng Rang's Portfolio:

Revision

 

Original: A gaunt man urgently had to find some food or else he was going to starve to death.
Revised: His physique became very gaunt as he starved himself for several days now. 

Original: Our nations are consolidated with peace and treaty.
Revised: Most of the European countries are consolidated into one union, which represents stable political relationships. 

Original: Acquisition of knowledge can be achieved by curiosity.
Revised: Acquisition of knowledge can be achieved not only by hardwork and determination, but also curiosity. 

Original: I know my parents want me to go to good college to get a good stable job, but their action towards me doesn't contrive me to do the work, but instead recedes my feeling.
Revised: Although, my parents only want the best for me by putting pressure regarding my university future, it only recedes me from making an important decision. 

Original: I thought of myself why do I need consent to do anything from a dependable person or people?
Revised: I wondered why do I always need to receive a consent from others, when I thrive to be independent.

 

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Argument Essay:

 

Imagine writing another literature essay when you keep a thesaurus tab open in order to use all the different options for this one word. Now, think of the “Walking Dictionary” as a tool to help you use the thesaurus not as often as your vocabulary reserve has now grown. The more vocabulary, the more fluency you achieve. Therefore, fluency brings an improved writing that is pleasant to read.

I have chosen Seng Rang’s work to revise and expand the understanding of incorporating master words into our writing. Let’s try this, you are given the word gaunt. Think of how you might have used it in a sentence and here is Seng Rang’s example: " A gaunt man urgently had to find some food or else he was going to starve to death". SR has identified the meaning correctly and was able to create a sentence that explained the given vocabulary word quite well. Yet, I decided to put gaunt in the middle of the sentence, so it would lead to it and afterwards, give a reason to the statement: “His physique became very gaunt as he starved himself for several days now”. The next sentence I have chosen to revise was "Our nations are consolidated with peace and treaty”. My rationale for changing this line was to go further with the meaning of the given word and make the sentece more specific: "Most of the European contries are consolidated into one union, which represents stable political relationships". I have kept the idea that Seng Rang used, but added a solid example. Reading about facts that most of us know, gives us the opportunity to understand the author’s thoughts better. Next, I would want to ask you how knowledge could be aquisited. Seng Rang stated that “Acquisition of knowledge can be achieved by curiosity”. Although, I have agreed with SR, I thought it was not only curiousity that contributes to comprehension:

“Acquisition of knowledge can be achieved not only by hardwork and determination, but also curiousity”. 

The next vocabulary word was tough for me understand after Seng Rang’s use of it. The sentence did not represent it well enough for the reader to fully percieve the meaning: "I know my parents want me to go to good college to get a good stable job, but their action towards me doesn't contrive me to do the work, but instead recedes my feeling”. Once again, I decided it was necessary to go into details in order to use the vocabulary word correctly. Instead of just mentioning of feelings being present, I described what exactly the feeling was: "Although, my parents only want the best for me by putting pressure regarding my university future, it only recedes me from making an important decision”. The last sentence, I basically only changed the wording but kept a similar idea. As Seng Rang said: "I thought of myself why do I need consent to do anything from a dependable person or people?”. I, on the other hand, emphasized the idea of consent being unnecessary when you desire to be a strong person: "I wondered why do I always need to recieve a consent from others, when I thrive to be independent”.

Overall, it was an interesting experience to revise someone else’s work. Besides, this was not a regular case of revision as it wasn’t a typical essay but rather something that focused on specific words, around which sentences had to be built.